Let’s face it. You watch the first game of the NFL season with serious football fans who can rattle off more arbitrary statistics than Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory. And for some reason, you watch the last game of the NFL season with a group of people who are more concerned with how many calories each appetizer contains.
How this tradition began, we aren’t sure. Why we feel the need to watch the game with all of our friends, our friends’ friends, their friends’ significant others, and the guy down the street with no friends, we don’t know. But at this point, it’s reality. If you choose to sit home by yourself and watch the Super Bowl, good for you. But for the rest of us, we have to deal with a bunch of “wanna-be’s” who make watching the game with the Spice Girls seem like a viable option.
But who are the worst of the worst, you ask? Here are your top 10 people to avoid watching the Super Bowl with.
10. The group of friends who haven’t seen each other in forever.
Ugh. Just out of college. Haven’t seen each other since. Decide that they’ll catch-up while watching the Super Bowl, driving everyone else at the party insane. If you have an extra, unused room, banish them to it for the night and cross them off next year’s invite list.
9. The ‘Super Bowl squares’ savant.
‘Super Bowl squares’ pools are really popular these days. But as a result, you wind up with clueless fans constantly rooting for ridiculous things to happen during the game. “Kick a field goal on second down, I need 3 points!” “MISS THE EXTRA POINT”. “Go for 2!” If you’re in a $1,000 per box pool, we get it. If you’re in a $1 per box pool, shut up.
8. The guy who brings leftover beer from last year’s Super Bowl.
Check your man card at the door, man. 1. Nobody wants your old beer. 2. Nobody wants you there.
7. The one who brings dessert, but gets upset when people don’t eat it.
“I’m going to make brownies for the Super Bowl!” Great, so after I eat the guacamole, chips, wings, pizza, mozzarella sticks, potato skins, pretzels and bean dip, I can’t wait to stuff my face with thick, fudged-out brownies. Bring a heart surgeon with you next time.
6. The one who splits his/her time between two parties.
If you’re popular enough to be invited to more than one Super Bowl party, do us all a favor and make a decision on which you’ll attend. That way, if you bring an appetizer, you don’t take it with you at halftime. And if you join a pool with other party-goers, they don’t have to figure out a way to pay you afterwards when you correctly guessed how many incompletions the backup quarterback threw.
5. The newcomer with 100 questions.
It’s admirable that you’re trying to learn about the game. But the fact that you had to choose the Super Bowl as your launching point makes it pretty unauthentic. But don’t worry…
4. The guy who answers those questions way too thoroughly.
The know-it-all. The type of guy who answers “Why are they named the Ravens?” with an entire history of the franchise, including how upset Cleveland fans were when the team moved, how much of a jerk Art Modell was, who Edgar Allan Poe was, and why Ray Lewis isn’t in jail.
3. The college football maniac.
The guy who can tell you which school every player on either team attended. Which would be fine, but he constantly asks everyone at the party if they know the answer before he gives it – he’s like the know-it-all guy, but worse, since he’s not even being prompted for answers.
2. The one who constantly needs affirmation that his/her appetizer tastes good.
Here’s a tip. Don’t try to cook something new for a Super Bowl party. Stick to buying a bag of pretzels, if that’s all you know how to do. Making an eight-layer bean dip and asking everyone how each layer tastes as the game goes on is a sure-fire way to get on everyone’s nerves really, really quickly.
1. The guy/girl who works at an ad agency.
Most people enjoy the commercials during the Super Bowl. But for these people, the ads ARE their Super Bowl. They talk during the game itself, but tell everyone “shhhhhh!” when the ads start coming on. If they really want to see what Danica Patrick will “reveal” this year, tell them to go in the other room and check out GoDaddy.com. By far, the worst of the worst.