Like the rest of you, I'm going crazy. What is this nonsense on my TV? Where are the fans and referees? Where are the buzzer-beaters? Where is Charles Barkley? If you don't know what's going on then I hate to be the one to have to tell you, but March Madness doesn't return until Thursday. I know, I know: two days of intense sadness. Two days of bewilderment. It'll be tough at times, and it may feel like it's never going to end, but trust me, we can get through this if we stick together.
To help get us all through the next couple days, I compiled a list of just a few things that we can all do to pass the time until March Madness smiles down upon us once again.
You're obviously going to watch American Idol on Wednesday night
It's coming down to the wire. Who's staying? Who's going home? Who cares?
If you're a guy, spend time with your girlfriend
Guys, the next two days are prime girlfriend time. With basketball having been on TV every second of every day, your lady probably hasn't been receiving the attention she may or may not deserve. Make up for that missed time with a nice dinner at Olive Garden. You can even buy her an ankle bracelet.
Read everything you can about Marshall Henderson
That's 48 hours of entertainment right there.
Almost catch up on The Walking Dead
What season is this, three? I bet if you stayed glued to Netflix you could come close to catching up. You would likely resemble zombie yourself when finished.
Create a fake Facebook identity and—
I am just kidding. Never do this.
I know this one is a stretch, but give it a try. Go catch some fresh air while you can before you stay inside for a few days straight again.
Learn how to Twerk
Should "Twerk" be capitalized? It depends on who you ask. Known for its classiness, this is a dance you can do anywhere; in the shower, at your fraternity's mixer, at your little cousin's birthday party. Wherever you choose to do it, after 48 hours of practice, people will be amazed at your abilities.
Talk about your bracket
"It's so bad (laughs). So bad, man."
"It's not bad. I mean, it could be worse, right?"
"I wish Kentucky would have made it."
Watch Splash on ABC on Tuesday night
It has to be more than celebrities jumping into a pool, doesn't it? No? Go back to learning how to Twerk.
Talk about Florida Gulf Coast University
"I actually watched them play earlier in the year and said something about them being decent. Seriously."
"Boy they can dunk!"
"Wonder if anyone had them in their bracket! (laughs wildly)"
It doesn't look that hard. If those little kids can do it so can you.
Make perfect Bouillabaisse
Just Google it.
Watch Sportscenter over and over again in an attempt to satisfy your need for sports
Probably the route we'll all take.