Your Overly Simplified Weekly National College Football Recap: Week 2

There weren't a ton of major matchups in week 2 of the college football season, but we did learn a few important things: Miami is relevant, Devin Gardner isn’t bad, and Texas isn’t as good as everyone expected. Shocker.

Oh, and ESPN should hire Eminem full-time.

Here’s your overly simplified week 2 recap:

Arizona State won 55-0

It played Sacramento State.

Boston College beats Wake Forest in meaningless game

BC running back had 204 yards rushing on 35 carries.

Kentucky won its football contest

Kentucky put up close to 700 yards of offense compared to the 120 yards put up by Miami (OH). Ouch.

Ohio State pulls off the shocker against San Diego State

Braxton Miller goes down with an apparent sprained MCL. Buckeyes still won 42-7.

Louisville 44, Eastern Kentucky 7

Bridgewater: 23-32, 397 yards, 4 touchdowns.

Michigan State continued pursuit for title of “Most Boring Team Ever”

I’m so happy I’m not a Michigan State fan. The Spartans beat South Florida 21-6. They had 171 yards rushing and only 94 passing.

Penn State scores 45

Penn State beat Eastern Michigan 45-7. Christian Hackenberg threw for 311 yards.

Wisconsin won by a lot

48-0.

Illinois beats Cincinnati

I was worried Cincinnati was going to make the Big Ten look dumber than it already looks. Somehow, Illinois came through. The Fighting Illini are 2-0.

Bad Iowa team won against worse team

The Hawkeyes beat Missouri State, 28-14.

Jeff Driskel leads Miami past Florida

Driskel threw two red-zone INTs. Florida looked like the more physical team, but the two INTs killed the Gators' chances.

Purdue sneaks past Indiana State

A real barn burner.

Pachall went down, TCU still won

Trevone Boykin, who started last season for the Horned Frogs, took over and did well. Oh, they were playing Southeastern Louisiana.

Oklahoma State is 2-0

The Cowboys gave up 35 points to UTSA, but 28 of those came in the fourth quarter.

Tennessee beat turnover machine Western Kentucky

Western Kentucky had seven turnovers, but actually outgained the Volunteers.

North Carolina won

Tar Heels beat Mid Tennessee by 20. Bryn Renner threw for 339 yards, didn’t miss Jadeveon Clowney.

Clemson won

Clemson won.

Boise State scored 63 against Tenn-Martin

Good job!

Utah scored 70 against Weber State

Great job!

Missouri won! Missouri is 2-0!

Go Missouri! It beat Toledo by 15. Missouri is doing its best to enjoy itself before SEC play begins.

Baylor gained 781 yards against Buffalo

Decent.

Oregon beat Virginia by a bunch

For some reason, many people acted like the Oregon-Virginia match-up was going to be an interesting game. Not the case. Side note: Marcus Mariota is impressive.

Mississippi State won

Nice!

Georgia held off South Carolina

Connor Shaw just doesn’t do it for me. On the contrary, Aaron Murray looked good, tossing four touchdowns. Todd Gurley and Keith Marshall form an awesome RB duo.

Duke won again!

In football! Duke is 2-0.

Cal barely beat Portland State

Freshman Jared Goff threw for 485 yards for Cal.

Northwestern beat Syracuse

The Wildcats are proving the preseason hype was justified.

Indiana lost to Navy

Its run game was too much.

NC State beat Richmond by two

It wasn’t pretty.

Nebraska won by 43

A lot better than barely beating Wyoming.

Kansas State didn’t lose to horrible opponent

An improvement.

Arkansas beat Samford by 10

That doesn’t bode well for Arkansas’ SEC chances.

Oklahoma was unspectacular against WVU

16-7.

Manziel scored four TDs

His team also won.

BYU beat Texas by 19

Then Mack Brown just started firing people.

Hey, Kansas won

Congrats, Charlie!

Auburn won

Auburn is now 2-0.

LSU beat UAB

Mettenberger threw 5 TDs. If he continues to play well, LSU can make some noise.

Michigan beat Notre Dame 41-30

I thought Notre Dame gave up on the run too early. But Devin Gardner, not bad. Not bad.

USC lost to Washington State

Ouch. The Trojans scored seven points. Things are bad in Southern Cal. They’re just really bad.

Arizona won

Rich Rod is happy. Arizona is 2-0.

Stanford beat San Jose State

Stanford held San Jose State to 35 rushing yards.