With all this hype about UCLA and USC, I got to thinking…these teams are pretty great and both fairly evenly matched. They fall at rankings No. 17 and No. 18 respectively and have two of the best safeties in the nation. Another thing that they have in common is their fierce mascots — Bruins (aka brown bears) and Trojans.
The game is going to be an all out brawl if you look strictly at the teams and their rankings. But who would win if it came down to mascot vs. mascot? Without further ado, welcome to this week’s edition of Mascot vs. Mascot, where we look at a couple key matchups and decide who would win based solely on those furry life-size puppets running around at each game.
No. 18 USC Trojans vs. No. 17 UCLA Bruins
It’s man vs. wild in this matchup. You have a brown bear going against an armor clad warrior. First let’s look at the brown bear.
Brown bears don’t like people. As a result, they generally stay away, meaning there aren’t frequent brown bear attacks. However, they can get angry, and when they do, they attack. Known to be fast and vicious if taken by surprise, brown bears could take on the strength of five or more humans, according to this video.
Trojans, on the other hand, are ancient warriors. Armor clad, they were protected by bronze breastplates, helmets, and shields and were deadly with a sword or spear. However, let’s not forget that the Trojans were duped by a giant wooden horse. If a horse can beat the Trojans, I think an angry bear with the strength of five-plus men can take them down.
Winner: UCLA Bruins
No. 24 Oklahoma State Cowboys vs. No. 23 Texas Tech Red Raiders
Now we’ve got Pistol Pete vs. The Masked Rider. These guys are actually pretty similar, so this may be a tough one.
Cowboys are the archetypal American. With their holsters and spurs, they ruled the Wild West. It just so happens that Oklahoma State’s Pistol Pete is modeled after one of the hardest cowboys in history, Frank Eaton. One of the best shots (with a Colt .45) in history, Eaton had a nasty aim and claimed to have killed five of the six Confederates who murdered his father.
The Texas Red Raiders are represented by a guy named the Masked Rider. Who is he? Nobody knows. Dressed from head to toe in black and mounted on the back of a black stallion, this guy is quick and mysterious. However, other than his quickness, he doesn’t have any documented weaponry. Just because he looks like Zorro doesn’t mean he’s got the sword skills. Because of the lack of fighting ability and the fact that the Masked Rider doesn’t travel with the team to away games, the Cowboys have the advantage.
Winner: Oklahoma State Cowboys
No. 2 Oregon Ducks vs. No. 13 Stanford (Cardinal) Trees
So neither of these mascots is very vicious. Ducks? They quack. Trees? Their leaves fall off. But there has got to be something that can determine the winner here. So can the Tree pull off the upset?
Trees: The unofficial mascot of Stanford. But don’t be fooled by the pacific, leafy appearance. These are the same trees that upset USC earlier this year. The Tree seems to be some sort of conifer, so that means it’s akin to a pine tree. Of all the trees, pine might be the fiercest. First, they are some of the sturdiest trees around. They have annoying needles, and above all, sap. Sticky and gross, sap is one of the nastiest, smelliest, and obnoxious-to-remove substances in the world.
The Oregon Duck isn’t really all that terrifying. However, Ducks do bite if you get too close, and they have the advantage of flight. Ducks really aren’t attackers, though, and they are quick to retreat if they sense danger. In this battle, you might not think a tree is tougher than a living duck, but the sap is really going to help Stanford hold onto the ball this Saturday. I’m going with the upset here.
Winner: Stanford Trees